Helping Children with Autism Overcome School Bullying

Are children with autism more vulnerable to bullying, and what makes them a target?

Autistic students are often more vulnerable to bullying due to challenges in understanding social cues. First and foremost, they have more difficulty reading others’ minds, meaning they might not understand that the bullies would have the intention to hurt them. At that moment, they may be shocked and may not know how to respond. They may feel confused too as they see others are laughing aloud. But when they catch on to the situation later, they would suffer from anxiety and other psychological consequences.

Meanwhile, the other parties involved could play a role in perpetuating the situation as well. Some mainstream schools accepting students with Special Education Needs do not have a protective system in place. In turn, some parents may not feel safe enough to make complaints, fearing the school would take retaliatory actions. All of the above puts those who want to take advantage of their more vulnerable classmates in a more favorable position.

In my practice, which serves 60-70 autistic students and their parents every week, around half of them have experienced being bullied in school or in public.

What are the signs of bullying in children with autism, especially if they have trouble expressing themselves?

You will discover the child acting anxiously after being bullied. They may become reluctant to go to school, but they might not be able to articulate what had happened. Likely, they may just say that “I'm worried,” or “people hate me”.

And then there could be more specific triggers. I remember a real case where the victim was asked to take off their pants at school. He then suffered from anxiety and panicked when their mother asked him to get undressed.  If a child reacts to something he/she was not scared of before, it might be a warning sign that something might have happened.

How can I teach a child with autism to identify bullying and speak up about it?

Therapists are very helpful in this situation. The kids I come across seldom share unpleasant situations like bullying to their parents. This could be because autistic children often have difficulties with narration, they believe sharing unpleasant experiences could disappoint their parents, or they think they would simply be ignored. 

Another possibility is the parents being pushy. When a child brings up that they faced bullying, they would get many probing questions in return without care for their feelings, which stops them from sharing again in the future.

Therapists are equipped with the listening and observation skills to help children articulate their experiences. Talking to an outsider also takes some of the pressure off them. 

What steps should I take if my child with autism is being bullied at school?

The most natural step is to talk to the teachers, other students and their families, piecing the loose threads together. Sadly, from my front-line experience, some schools tend to brush these queries aside and claim nothing occurred when those incidents are not captured by CCTVs. In that scenario, you could report the case to the social workers in your district, who might arrange psychological counselling for the bullied students or get the Legal Department involved.

What rights and protections are available for autistic students to prevent bullying at school?

Something that is sorely missing is an independent committee dedicated to investigating bullying-related matters. It should be led by external parties with expertise in child protection, rather than social workers or the Education Bureau.  

Among non-governmental initiatives, there are various organizations, like STAR Limited, which give lessons to autistic children to help them identify and respond to bullying behavior. Similar knowledge should be shared by schools and parents, best before they enter primary school.

How can parents reduce the risk of bullying for children with autism?

I strongly encourage parents of SEN students to get the contact information of other parents in the class and stay in touch with them regularly. Well-behaved students tend to keep their parents updated on what happens at school. This type of network can serve as an alert system for bad incidents.

Something parents should do in everyday life is maintain an open and transparent relationship with their children and be as non-judgmental as possible. 

How can families, schools, and communities create safe environments for children with autism?

I would try to look at it from another perspective. Most of our conversation has focused on neurodivergent children, but if there are no bullies, there will be no victims. There are often reasons for someone to choose to resort to aggressive behavior. It could be the surroundings they are placed in, causing them to feel anger or frustration. They might feel not loved by their parents or feel a lack of control – bullying could be a way to gain control over others.

Looking at the big picture, we need adults in society to take care of themselves and improve the city’s overall mental health. Parents should learn to manage their pressure better so as to not externalize it. Only then will we have a better environment for all children to grow.

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